"Text me, maybe"

In the March 22, 2013 episode of Bubble Gang...

- Trapik gags for those who got late for graduation

- Get to know about The Jojos, a popular rock band whose names are always Jojo...

- In this show, YOU ARE OUT...STANDING!!!

- Wala nang Text Me Maybe! Bubble Gang does Talk N Text Unlitxt2All20 by spoofing this commercial!

- Diary ng isang Panget...

- Return to the Supreme Court and witness the case of someone who cheated the birthday cake. Expect some child's play at the court...

- Pickup Lines!

- Tata Lino's here once again to help your problems

- IyoTube

Forza Horizon: Black Monday, Black Friday, Black Saturday, Black whatever day it is...

The AMG Black Series models

The AMG Black Series models from Mercedes-Benz, once you go black with one of those, you'll never go back because you'll be always gone insane with one of those machines possesed by insanity done by the skunk works of the Mercedes-AMG. With weight reduction, bucket seats and exterior alterations, the Black Series models are always standing out the crowd and they always feel and sounds...GRRRR...like muscle cars because they're very angry.

Apart from the muscle car-esque sounds, they possess a very challenging handling and dynamic drifts, meaning most cars with dynamic feel tend to drift at high speeds but challenging to recover. It maybe challenging to handle a Black Series model but they're really are gut-wrenching screamers that can tear down Colorado into two.

The SL65 AMG Black Series is definitely a balls-out bone crusher. It's about 12 times the bone crushing power of 12 of your favorite female characters derived from random fighting games. Because this is the most powerful AMG model ever built, its V12 engine generates about 661HP of power and over a thousand Newton meters of torque. It may have more torque for shreds but it's performance is so bone-crushing, it's like you went home from the convention fractured after being crushed by some girl who dressed as Lili.

(laughing)

The C63 AMG Black though, this is like marrying a cannibal who ate two people. As I speak, this is the wildest C63 AMG Coupe I have ever seen in my life and with the matching gold paint on the body, it really is like Winnie the Pooh in road rage. It feels like I'm wrestling a giant yellow bear but this car's not a wild bear, it's a skunk. A Punky Skunk. (laughing)

With these cars, feels like everyday's a Black Monday, Black Friday, Black Saturday, Black whatever day it is...

Let's Do The News! (March 22, 2013)

(cheers and applause)

2014 MINI Paceman

RH: Ahem, so what you're saying is that you hate it more than the Countryman, eh?

JC: Yes, exactly. The Countryman, which I said a couple of times, is OFF LIMITS for those who are in Punkish Gothic costumes and only those who think bowties, stetsons, and fezzes are cool are welcomed. The Paceman though, this is like you're going to be stressed more than studying all night for some meaningless test.

RH: You are quite argued about that but haven't you know that it's finals somewhere?

(audience laughing)

JC: Yes, it's final exams somewhere and seems that students took so much hours studying while some morons who don't care about finals always wasting their time to the internet cafe playing DoTA or some new MMORPG I'd never heard about. Anyway, since those who didn't took my advice may end up "summer school" because they failed the whole semester, let's do the news!

JM: Right, and let's begin to My Little Pony because Japan airing for the highly popular kid's show, which ironically it was a kids show until some blokes are joining the Pony action...

(audience laughing)

...is almost here. And last February, we revealed that the Milky Holmes girls will be joining the Japanese dub version of My Little Pony Friendship is Magic. Now, more news for the Japanese dub version of MLP because...um...let me see...as announced, Miyuki Sawashiro (she was recently voiced as Courtney Collins from Metal Gear Rising Revengeance) will voice Twilight Sparkle, Emiri Kato will be Fluttershy, and Motoko Kumai will be Spike, the baby dragon who's helping our pony heroines. Also, Kikuko Inoue will voice as Celestia, the princess of Equestria. I think we got the memo right?

JC: Yes, James. Japanese dub of MLP is going to be very very interesting for the otakus living in Japan. Well, yes, it's going to air in TV Tokyo this April 2, which I think it's Tuesday, but I'm not sure the timeslot. I think it's on the morning slot because most of the kids' anime shows are in the mornings. Sadly though, if I see a grown Japanese man, whom I suspect is an otaku, watching this, I could be sensing Japan's brony...

(audience laughing)

JC: Bronies, I tell you! Bronies! Bronies! I really don't want a country like Japan to be the next country to have bronies!!!

(audience laughing)

RH: Yeah, well, you sure you don't want Japan to have Bronies because of My Little Pony. If that would happen, I could ask some Japanese dude in his 20's or 30's and if he said that he watched My Little Pony and his favorite was Rainbow Dash, I would probably attack him for sure...

(audience laughing)

JC: Okay, okay! You're the boss, hamster. You're the boss. (laughing) You're going to beat up some Japanese who happens to watch a kids show whose main themes are love and tolerance. (laughing). Hey now, don't know all about showbizness but I've been getting some hot topics straight from my ears that the so-called Queen of all media Kris Aquino decided to gives up showbiz to focus to her son Bimby, who was formerly Baby James before their divorce with James Yap. Not sure about it? Here's a clip that sums everything up...

(Huh?)

JM: Whoa, whoa whoa....Kris Aquino gives up showbiz for the sake of Bimby just because of James Yap? But...but...what about Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw? Agh....Never mind about that...I was just going to tell that Kris' decision to leave showbizness might jeopardize the story of Kailangan Ko'y Ikaw, which I believe this is the first of ABS-CBN's new Dreamscape, the teleserye division of ABS-CBN, I believe...

JC: Yeah, I think you're right. It might jeopardize a show, creating some loopholes to the storyline for Bogs, who was the main character of the drama series, which was played by action star Robin Padilla.

(awwww)

RH: Hey, you know some other hot topics? I just heard that Jason Francisco punched John Prats after rehearsals for Saturday's Banana Split...

JC: Yeah, yeah...Everyone heard about this...

(audience laughing)

JC: Now, last year, we were kinda sad that Karen Gillan left Doctor Who but for her, seems that K-Gill's career doesn't slow her down because as I heard, she'll be joining the cast of the comedy series NTSF:SD:SUV:: from Cartoon Network's Adult Swim block. Wait a minute...NTSF:SD:SUV::? What's that?

JM: A show that is so NSFW?

(audience laughing)

JC: N-S-F-S-S-F-F-W-W?

(audience laughing)

JM: N-V-F-F-S-S-S-C-C-C-F-T-W?

(audience laughing)

(indistinct talking)

RH: Guys! Guys! Enough! Enough! NTSF:SD:SUV:: is a comedy series that spoofs typical counter-terrorist or crime dramas such as 24, NCIS, CSI, Miami Vice, and others. It's set for its new season this Summer. Karen Gillan's going to be on this said show as Daisy, a Quartermaster-like tech expert.

JC: Oh! Hey, do you think Kazaa's back in her swearing ways? I mean when she was in Kevin Bishop's show, while spoofing X Factor in a sketch, at the end of it, we see Karen Gillan spoofing as Cheryl Cole swearing at the end.

JM: I don't know but I think this would be a load of...

[STATIC]

(audience laughing)

JC: Anyway, I just picked up some news that a job posting for a private company located in Minato, Tokyo listed a programming position on a sequel to an idol-raising PlayStation 3 game, which later it's no longer taking applications. WHAT?

(audience laughing)

JC: What was that? A sequel of some idol-raising PS3 game? Can anyone had a guess what's this idol-raising game for the PS3 is?

(indistinct talking)

JC: Anyone? Anyone? Never mind about that...Anyway, on that bombshell, that's the news...

MINI Paceman

In a not too distant past, I always point that the MINI Countryman is the MINI I always hate not only because by the looks of it, well because it's quite an ugly looking MINI, but it's because it had so much vile and hateful things about it. (whispers) Especially when it showed up on Gran Turismo 5. It's all terrible rubbish but for MINI, they've launched a new version. Hmmm...

2014 MINI Paceman

(eating)

Oh, hey! Sorry, I was just eating my favorite chicken mamon inside but anyway what you're looking up here is the MINI Paceman, a new model from MINI which is essentially a three door version of the car I really hate about because of numerous reasons. A quick reminder about the Mini Countryman is simple, about how I really hate about because if I was a girl and if I put on my Punkish Gothic costume, the Countryman says OFF LIMITS. Why OFF LIMITS? Because (whispering) Countrymans hate people who dressed as Punkish Gothics. Also what I hate about the Countryman is for people who think bowties, fezzes, and stetsons are cool. (laughing) Really? Well, these are some of the reasons why I hate about the Countryman. If you were a girl who puts on her Punkish Gothic costume, you are not invited. If you are moron who thinks bowties, fezzes, and stetsons are cool, you are invited.

For this three-door version of the Countryman, called the PACEMAN, I would expect the same feeling that I'd expect on the MINI Countryman except for one thing. The name PACEMAN doesn't sound like Pacman or a spaceman as Donna Noble from Doctor Who might yell to The Doctor four little words "Oi, Watch It Spaceman!" on the telly. This is exactly I might wanna tell exactly about this car. Ahem...OI, WATCH IT PACEMAN!.(laughing) Now you try!

Anyway, it's worth a try yelling four little words Donna Noble or Catherine Tate told you on the telly but it would best if you are an "earth girl" and your partner's a "spaceman". Ah yes, spaceman and earth girl in a Paceman. Pun intended, right? Yes, indeed. Pun intended but as a driver's car, there are so many issues regarding the Paceman.

First of all, the Paceman is not quite a good looking MINI I have ever seen in my life but question is, do you hate it more than you hate the look of the Nissan Juke? Only one way to find out, just park the Paceman right next to the Nissan Juke and when you got out, you really knew how much horrible these two were. Also, getting inside the Paceman is simple on the front but access to the rear seats is far too complicated. Besides, the rear seats have a very few legroom and sitting through the rear seats can be someone as idiotic as filling up a car with a bunch of people who doesn't care about driving this car at all. It's not quite an effective family car if you have a family because it only seats up to four people and an average family has about five to seven.

2014 MINI Paceman

If you're in a mood for a normal ice cream that you bought from your neighborhood bakery, you can have a 1.6L or a 1.6L petrol engine but if you're at home and if you're waiting for the bell ringinig from a person who sells dirty ice cream, then you're the sort of person who chose either a 1.6L or 2.0L diesel engines. Those powerful and efficient engines doesn't seem bad but as for the handling, this is about as harsh as studying all night for some meaningless tests, especially finals. This kind of metaphor also applies on the ALL4 models of the Paceman because I can also expect the same kind of stress as doing next week's homework or reciting something for some meaningless "graded recitation". Geez, I really don't like graded recitations when I was in my school days. Graded recitations really put out the worst for students. He he he...

So, the MINI Paceman, like the Countryman, is rubbish to drive, interior's too uncomfortable, as stressful as a final exam that you took when you were at school, and overall, I still had the same feeling I'd expect from my most hated car of all time but question is, do you hate this Paceman more than its high-performance model?

2014 MINI John Cooper Works Paceman

It's a John Cooper Works model of the Paceman. It has a turbocharged engine that develops 218hp of power, 6-speed manual standard with optional 6-speed auto, ALL4, and some sporting credentials expected from other JCW models. It does 0-100kph in 6.9 seconds and flatout in an estimated 226kph. Do you think I need to appreciate this high-performance version of the car which is a three door version of a MINI I really hate because it's OFF LIMITS for those who are in Punkish Gothic costumes and only those who think bowties, stetsons, and fezzes are cool are welcomed? Let me think about it but in a meantime, as the Got Talent judges might say, it's a NO. Uh-huh, it's a no. Sorry...

Let's Do The News! (March 21, 2013)

River's Diary

Right, what's the news today you spoiler-laden TARDIS journal?

Bureau of Customs seized illegally imported McLaren

Ruffy Biazon seized a smuggled exotic

If by rule, if a car is not available in the Philippines, don't even try to smuggle it but sadly, some moron denied the advice and because of that, the Bureau of Customs commisioner Ruffy Biazon intercepted a 2012 McLaren MP4-12C being imported into the country using fraudulent documents. Since McLaren has no official distributor in the Philippines, they only buy it via private importers. One questioing puzzle is that BOC said that the British supercar they've seized cost 45 million pesos. A normal MP4-12C would cost about 19 million pesos so that leaves a big mystery about this...

Story: http://www.topgear.com.ph/news/bureau-of-customs-apprehends-illegally-imported-mclaren-mp4-12c

Scooby goes Hybrid

At the 2013 New York International Auto Show, Fuji Heavy Industries will showcase what is known to be as the first ever hybrid car from Subaru and this is based...on the XV crossover which went on sale last year. While no further details as of now 'till showtime, the XV Hybrid will be revealed next week at the New York Auto Show as well as some mystery performance concept that kept us guessing...

Story: http://www.carview.co.jp/green/news/0/4994/

XJR Returns

2014 Jaguar XJR

Missed the Jaguar XJR? Well, good news because on the upcoming New York Auto Show, Jaguar will reveal an all new XJR which combines the comfort of an executive saloon with the thrill of a supercar thanks to its 5.0L Supercharged V8 engine which develops 542HP of power, that's similar to Jaguar's XKR-S Coupe!

Story: http://www.topgear.com.ph/news/jaguar-xjr-is-latest-addition-to-brand-s-r-performance-lineup

SRT Viper TA

2014 SRT Viper TA

A new limited-edition SRT Viper TA isn't just more on being an enthusiast-focused car because most of its luxury equipment's been stripped off and it's on a very limited production run. In fact, this special model is made as an act of revenge against General Motors for outding the SRT Viper with the 2013MY Chevy Corvette ZR1. A couple of months ago, Motor Trend reviewed both the SRT Viper and the 2013MY Chevrolet Corvette ZR1 and as it turned out that the ZR1 is faster than the SRT Viper round the Laguna Seca (1:33.70 vs. 1:35.77). For this model, it seems that the hatchet has been burried because the SRT Viper TA set a lap time of 1:33.62, beating the lap time set by the 2013 ZR1.

Production's limited to 33 units and it's available in special Orange Crush color.

Story: http://www.motortrend.com/roadtests/coupes/1303_2014_srt_viper_ta/

"It needs to be updated!"

Jenna Louise Coleman's right. The TARDIS toy needs to be updated because in next week's Doctor Who, they had a new TARDIS now. She said that when she was interviewed by CBS' late night comedian and talk show host Craig Ferguson.

Underground Toys or Character Options, if you're reading this, we want ourselves a new TARDIS like what Jenna Louise said. It may look the same on the outside but when we open its doors, we can see the new (but Teletubbies-inspired) TARDIS interior. This is something we really wish to have...an updated TARDIS toy! Please... And be sure that Clara Oswin Oswald inspires a figure!!!

(sigh)

THANKS FOR CRITICIZING EVERYONE'S TARDIS TOYS (OR THEIR DW COLLECTIONS), NEW GIRL ON DOCTOR WHO...

SIDE NOTE: In observance of Holy Week, that is next week, I may temporary shut this blog off when the clock strikes 12:00 midnight (Philippine Standard Time) to Maundy Thursday. Which means, no more blogging until Easter Sunday, when I'll be back from the Lenten season...

Forza Motorsport 4: Evo vs. STi

The battle between two sides

Over the years, Subaru and Mitsubishi had been locked in combat for decades just so they can outperform, outhandle, and outwit each other with their road going rally cars and everytime they launched different versions, they try outdo each other with a quantity of letters and numbers after the car's names. You've been given a choice; for one lap at the Nurburgring, you want the super-sharp Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution but for the journey home, you want a more comfortable Subaru Impreza WRX STi.

Here at Forza Motorsport 4, I'll be only comparing the STi's and the Evo's offered on this game and luckily, it will be somewhat a duel between Evos and STi's.

First up the 22B vs. the Evo VI

Subaru Impreza 22B - 1:28.290
Mitsubishi Evo VI - 1:29.321


Next: WRX STi GDB-Type II vs. Evo VIII MR




Subaru WRX STi GDB-Type II - 1:27.591
Mitsubishi Evo VIII MR - 1:27.818


NEXT: WRX STi GDB-F vs. Evo IX MR




Subaru WRX STi GDB-F - 1:26.718
Mitsubishi Evo IX MR - 1:27.556

AND FINALLY: WRX STi GRB vs. Evo X





Subaru WRX STi GRB - 1:26.986
Mitsubishi Evo X - 1:26.346

VERDICT: Hmmm...It appears my Stigness can only handle Scoobies because back when I was high school, I was very fond of the STi's regime. I once drove a GDB-F WRX STi since WMMT3 (or maybe the Fast and Furious PS2 game?) and I have to say that this is the kind of car I literally fell in love with. No matter how many times I've been bashed by adolescents in their Mitsubishi Evos, I'm on the urge of getting to know each other but then, with current generations revealed in Tokyo since 2007, it seems my love for Impreza STi's had been evolved and I swore myself that I will never ever get alienated by the aggressive raw power of the Mitsubishi Evo X...but I did. Sure, the Impreza STi GRB really won my heart but it's the Evo X's sheerness and agility really made it jealous. And that's how the age-old question's in boiling point as Evo fans and STi fans starting to melt down over debates.

Hey, since Subaru and Mitsubishi are out in the world of motorsports, and soon these two will be consigned at the history books, I think that this fight ends with an armistice, not a peace treaty.

Michelle Gumabao, IHAW NA!

On March 20's Banana Nite's IHAW NA segment, Tito Bhoy interviews guest Michelle Gumabao, a member of a winning volleyball team from the UAAP. He talks about what's the secret of winning a mach, about her possibility in the world of showbiz, and how to master some volleyball moves...

Meanwhile, the Tres Kumpares are having troubles taking a nap on the same bed...

VIDEO: See how the Toyota 86Q was made

Of course, the Toyota 86Q, which is a mini-me one-off version of the Toyota 86/GT86 (Scion FR-S) sports coupe, which was launched last year alongside its Subaru BRZ twin, really is a Daihatsu Midget truck with some sporting credentials. Yes, they've used the chassis from a Midget truck and then loaded some 86 credentials to make it look like the miniature version so mini, it looks like it's a toy car life sized. Question is, how long did they made this one-off?

To find out, ExtremeDrivingTV has a video clip on how long did the 86Q was made. Wanna know how long? Watch the clip and find out and apologize to their English subtitles because it feels like it's been Google Translated...

Melai's tips to get you through the line first...

In March 19's Banana Nite's KANDILA's top stories...

 - ISANG RESTAURANT ANG NASUNOG AT INAALAM PA KUNG SINO ANG MAY KASALANAN! - Who's to blame? It's the cook to blame for the fire because he's NAPPING on the job! YOU'RE FIRED!

- ISANG BUONG GRUPO GUSTONG TUMALON MULA SA MATAAS NA BUILDING - Those crazies are not going to commit suicide but waiting for the plane to park through the building to hitch a ride...

- PBA IMPORT, BANNED NA MAGLARO SA PINAS - Even in an interview, Balkman melts down and strangles Santos' neck...Oh well, long story short...

Meanwhile, Melai Cantiveros, everybody's favorite problem solver, gives us top three ways to make singit on the line without making a mess out of someone...

1) Fall in line while wearing sandals and bring a newspaper

2) Tell them there's a stalker going to kill you

3) Make friends with a snatcher!

TGUSA compares luxury offroaders

Top Gear USA compares three luxury offroaders to show off their natural-born talents not as a luxury car but an offroad machine in one package. Rutledge Wood opts in a Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT8, while Adam Ferrera jumps in the Cadillac Escalade ESV, and Tanner Foust's in the Range Rover Sport.

Rut's SRT8 conquers the sand roads, Adam's Escalade passes the comfort test, and Tanner's Range Rooney passes the trailblazing test in flying colors.

After a race to a round of drinks at the ski resort, the real test begins at Mammoth Mountain. Because Rut's SRT8 is not good enough on snowy conditions, he opts out and instead chow down some meals at the lodge. Tanner's Range Rover seems to be seamless on this final challenge but Adam unleashes his secret weapon, that is calling someone to tow his Escalade to the finish line. As Tanner and his Range Rover is close to the end, it seems that the Range Rover hungs on its last breath. In other words, his Rangie's stuck and Tanner continues on foot where he saw Adam and his Caddy unexpectedly appeared at the finish line.

Forza Motorsport 4: 2009 Mercedes-Benz SL65 AMG Black Series

The German Screamer

Using the R230 SL65 AMG as its basis, the Black Series is an upgraded version of the said model which comes with an improved version of a 6.0L V12 twin-turbo engine mated with an AMG SPEEDSHIFT PLUS five-speed automatic transmission. With the engine developing 661HP of power, it is the most powerful AMG model yet. 0-60mph in 3.7 seconds and top speed limited to 199mph.

Aside from its raw power, the Black Series is 250kg lighter than the regular SL65 because of the use of light carbon fiber composite (CFRP) parts and replacing the foldable hardtop roof with a fixed roof.

Jeremy Clarkson reviewed this on Top Gear Season 13 Episode 03 and when handed to The Stig, it set a lap time of 1:30 at the Top Gear Test Track.

What's in our Car Town garage today? (March 19, 2013)

What's in our Car Town garage today?

2012 Vorsteiner V-RT Coupe

The VRT Coupe is one of Vorsteiner's tuning programs which is based on the 997 turbo model. The main aspects for the V-RT Coupe is to maximize performance by optimizing the power to weight ratio of the vehicle, as Vorsteiner states it. With the use of Vorsteiner Carbon Fiber products, the V-RT provides higher stiffness and strength while dropping the weight to just 40%.

2012 Vorsteiner V-RT Coupe

2011 Volvo C30 Polestar Edition

So you all think that all Volvos are made for pensioners, eh? Well, this hot C30 model will change its course. Called the PCP, it uses a normal C30, which in Top Gear claimed it was the better looking of the small hatchbacks, as its basis but it comes with an improved 2.5L engine which bumps the power output up to 400hp. It was built for fun by Polestar, the company behind Volvo touring cars made for the Swedish Touring Car Championship and it has, and it was delightful to say if you're on a rainy day, four wheel drive, meaning you can reach amazing angles and you can still rescue it. On the inside, the dashboard's been covered by some kind of mole skin for added uniqueness.

2011 Volvo C30 Polestar Edition

1941 Jeep Willys MB

Once used as a military vehicle provided for the US Army, it was the originator of the word "Jeep". If it weren't for the Willys vehicle, perhaps the Jeep name wasn't invented and that brand wouldn't exsisted at all. There's a lot of puzzle about the origin of the Jeep word via this car, although it was claimed from the slurring of the letters GP, the military term for General Purpose while others say it came for a character named "Eugene the Jeep" from the Popeye cartoon strip. While the origins is still an enigma, the Jeep word was added at the lexicon and it became the workhorse for war or for off-road purposes.

1941 Jeep Willys MB