New Jaguar XJR

The Maserati Quattroporte, the Aston Martin Rapide S, and the facelifted Porsche Panamera aren't the only ones classified as a four-door supercar despite having powerful engines planted on their four-door saloons for businessmen who aren't businessmen at all. In fact, there's another 4-door supercar in the making and this time...what could this be?

2014 Jaguar XJR

At first glance, it looks like a Jaguar XJ, the car Jeremy Clarkson drove in the race against The Creator, The Lord God Almighty, and he won just before the sun rises. Except now, the XJ is getting more aggressive than ever and this time...they dropped a supercharged V8 engine that powered the XKR-S under the bonnet. They named it...XJR.

Yes, the XJR is back and for this new model, I was referring that it can be a potential threat to high-performance flagship saloons especially the upcoming S63 AMG but this is just one of the things that make you go hmmm. Think of the new XJR as the...how can I say this? Oh yeah! Some Brainiac reference! Either the Celebrity Electric Shock or Celebrity Day Job Electrocution but still both of them best sums it up when it comes to the flagship saloon now turned a potential 4-door supercar. Think Tina Turner and her Bunsen Burner meets Diana Ross and her chain reaction. When you put them both and will they fizz or bang? Glow or blow? Fizzle or flash? Either way, this can be a serious threat to its rivals...or is it?

2014 Jaguar XJR interior

Rally up the Brainiacs because there's something more for the gentleman's country club now turned a Brainiac lab for the insane experiments. The V8 engine that powered the XKR-S Coupe delivers 550PS of power and 680Nm of torque. 680Nm of torque...that's 10Nm less than the Ferrari F12 but it's fairly close. With such torque, I wonder, it's more than enough to put a stick of dynamite at the turkey's bum or at the center of the kebab. Yummy.

Then there's the noise that doesn't sound like a supercar but it sounds like an old-fashioned American muscle car. That muscle car-esque vocals really feels like you're a Brainiac piloting a NASCAR in the streets of London and then making a mess at the Wales Millenium Centre, which is near the fictional Torchwood Three HQ which was blown up from the Children of Earth arc. Love it though but I'm afraid there are some demerits out there.

First of all, in the normal XJ, it feels like a gentleman's club. Very classy, very subtle, and very sophisticated. The sooner you had a chauffeur, the sooner you became a lazy man at the back of the car. For the XJR, how can I describe it? Oh wait! I know! Brainiac's Celebrity Electric Shock. It's like you invite a well-loved, well-payed A-list celebrity and then you start to electrocute him or her from remote control soft to TASER GUN INTENSE. The XJR really is TASER GUN INTENSE because when it gets through, your client succumbs, yelling their messages of surrender. I can imagine what it feels like when Vanessa Feltz survived through Level 5 of the electric shock...about the same as a cattle prod.

The 0-60mph time is 4.4 seconds and flat-out it would do about 174mph, that's better than those high-powered German saloons because of their limited set to 155mph. That's seem to be a total advantage for the XJR but there's another disadvantage for the new model...the pricing. It starts at 92,370 British Pounds Sterling, which seems to be less expensive than the XJ SUPERSPORT LWB model even though it packs more power than that but that's more than the rest of the normal premium saloons. Also, it's available exclusively in SWB so that's a big wuss but who cares?

This car doesn't bother with all the demerits because that new XJR is just so stunning to drive at. It's quite civilized on normal roads, more fun in open roads, more head turning than a woman's cleavage from either the buns or the breasts, and best of all, you can enjoy this car all day long until your ribs got relocated to the back. One thing you don't want for the XJR, as a chauffeur's car, is to get a celebrity to the back because by the time you're going bonkers with it...well I said it many times...your client will end up feeling like being electrocuted.

This new model...is HOT STUFF.

Available Colors: Polaris White, Ebony, Rhodium Silver Metallic, Lunar Grey Metallic, Stratus Grey Metallic, Ultimate Black Metallic, Cashmere Metallic, Satellite Grey Metallic, Carnelian Red Metallic, British Racing Green Metallic, Black Amethyst Metallic, and Italian Racing Red Metallic.

Photo: Jaguar Land Rover